[for Rose]

[onlyapassenger]

He keeps making plans for breakfast. The players change, depending on the day, but most mornings find him in the Winchester or someone's kitchen, eager to find some kind of distraction from whatever horrors he witnessed the night before. This morning's no different, finding him sitting across from Rose in a clean set of fatigues, hologram on and expression set to something pleasant. He's not that hungry, truth be told, but he's too wound up for sleep for at least another couple of hours yet, and he'll make the effort to get some food down in the meantime.

"So how're you making out so far?" he asks between mouthfuls.

Comments

[telltheworld]

I found the place easily enough, helped out with directions from the taller of Julie's boys. It's silly, but I've put on the nicer of the couple of dresses I've found; I do miss my ATA tunic and the way it made it so easy to feel smart.

"Turns out I have friends here already," I say, reaching for my coffee. "So maybe I don't need you at all."

I'm teasing; God, I hope he takes it in the spirit that it's meant.

[onlyapassenger]

He arches an eyebrow, a smirk briefly pulling at one corner of his mouth.

"I'll keep that in mind," he says, snorting a little. If nothing else, she seems to be more calm than the day they met; he's not surprised. "Who're your friends?"

[telltheworld]

I smirk right back at him.

"Maddie's one of my best friends from back hom; we're in the ATA together, but she outranks me. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding but I guess this...version of left before that?". That part is still difficult to process. I chew my toast in silence for a moment. "Julie is the girl who should have been Maddie's bridesmaid; the groom was her brother, Jamie. Julie died in France back home - she never made it to one of the camps."

Jeez. Listen to me babble like he's interested in any of this stuff.

I blush.

"Bet you're regretting meeting me now..."

[onlyapassenger]

Julie's the name he recognizes -- the girl who throws the dances. He's never talked to her personally, but somehow he feels like he should've made the connection all the same. Of all the people Rose might know, Beaufort-Stuart's the one he ought to have guessed.

"I know people who talk more than you do," he replies, shaking his head a little. "And it's more interesting than anything I have to say. It's good, that you have people here."

People that she wouldn't have at home, too. After all that he's been through, it's hard to remember, sometimes, the few perks this place has to offer.

[telltheworld]

"Neither of them know me," I say and it's difficult to hide how my stomach drops away at that admission. I busy myself with freshening my drink. "But I have had nothing and it's considerably better than that." I study him for a moment, cup cradled between my hands. "What about you? Did you know people when you got here?"

[onlyapassenger]

"A couple of acquaintances, though they hadn't met me yet," Bucky admits, thinking back to two years ago. It had really just been Parker and Stark back then, with the former not knowing he was even alive and the latter being from a different universe entirely. He's not close to either man back home, the nature of the Avengers more transient than groups he's worked for in the past. Beyond a handful of poker games and a surprise birthday party, social calls had been few and far between. He doesn't know much about either man except for their strengths and weaknesses in a fight.

"The people I knew well showed up later."

[telltheworld]

"Do you mind if I ask who?" I ask, a little hesistant - which isn't a look I wear well, I'm sure. "You can tell me if that's...unspeakably rude or something, but I feel like I do all the talking and I really am interested to hear about you too. If you want to tell me, that is. You can do the strong, stoic thing forever if you like."

But I hope he doesn't.

[onlyapassenger]

"The folks I knew well?" he clarifies, not seeing why she'd be asking about the others. "Already told you about Steve. Then there's Peggy, to a certain extent -- she was Steve's girl during the war, but this one's from a different version of things. Nice lady, but the only thing she has in common with the one I knew is her name and a competency with weapons."

He pauses a moment to chew, stalling. "They're the only ones who're still here. Natalia came and left. She..." He looks down and his expression turns tight. "She was everything to me. Is everything."

[telltheworld]

Oh, shoot. I hate what his face does when he mentions her, this woman, and I hate that it was my question that made it happen. I feel terrible. I look away from him, letting my hair fall forward to hide the way I'm sure I'm blushing.

"I feel awful," I say, not looking at him. "I shouldn't have asked."

[onlyapassenger]

"You're not the one who made her disappear," he points out, still not looking at Rose. His knuckles turn white from holding onto his fork with an iron grip, and he drops his hand under the table, sucking in a steadying breath. He doesn't talk about her much, the pain of her disappearance as fresh today as it was a year ago. There are days he wishes nothing more than to see her face one more time, but more still where he hopes she never returns to this place, lest he have to lose her all over again. Most days he just wishes he could go home, though it's always an unvoiced desire. With the life he's lived, he knows all too well it's a waste of time and energy to want what you can't have.

"So your friends..." he says after a minute, his face now carefully blank. He needs to push the conversation away from himself. "They welcoming you all right?"

[telltheworld]

"But I did bring it up like an idiot," I volunteer, putting down my fork and twisting my hair back behind my ear, watching him for a moment and worrying my lip with my teeth. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it anymore and I don't think he'd react well to me reaching across the table to touch him, so I just force myself to brighten, kicking myself for how blank he's suddenly gone. "They couldn't be better. Julie got me drunk as a moving in present."

[onlyapassenger]

Wolverine did the same for me, now that I think about it. Took me to the Hub or the Winchester... One of the watering holes. So day of arrival, that's what... Him, Parker, Stark... There were other names I recognized, like Cable's, but those were the guys I'd actually met before here. It's hard to keep track of time, comings and goings, once you've been here long enough.

"Best present you can hope for," he replies, going back to his food. "When I first got here, I thought it was weird, how many bars there were, but... Two and a half years later, and it starts to make sense."

[telltheworld]

"It's a sort of self-medication, I suppose," I say, leaning my cheek into my hand, picking up a piece of fruit and biting into it, doing my level best to stop the juice running down my chin. "Julie says that there are dances, too. It's all...life in the ashes."

[onlyapassenger]

He's only gone to one of the dances once on his own, wanting to recapture a long-lost sense of nostalgia, but he hasn't gone since. Once was really enough. He's just not that person anymore.

"That's a good way of putting it," he agrees.

[telltheworld]

"I'm pretty good at that, I think," I volunteer, lifting the juice and offering to fill his glass before I do my own. "Deciding what I'm going to be next. Figuring out...what might hurt less." I shrug. "I think I might like to be a girl who dances."

[onlyapassenger]

He nods at the offer of more juice.

"And you still got that kite of yours if that doesn't work out, right?"

[telltheworld]

"Not much of a life is it?" I tease, filling his glass. "Solitary kite flying. What's a girl supposed to do for fun, soldier?"

[onlyapassenger]

"I'm the wrong guy to ask," Bucky replies, murmuring a thanks. He doesn't do much for fun, these days. He fills his hours with work, and when the work is done, he searches for more. It's a restless existence, but it keeps away the nightmares.

[telltheworld]

"Well, you're what I've got right now, so I suppose we'd best both suck it up," i say, doing my best impression of Daddy. "I was sort of hoping that this might be fun but apparently I'm off the mark. No pilot's pinpoint for me."

[onlyapassenger]

"Well, it's not awful," he says, snorting a little. "But I'm not exactly your best bet for a laugh a minute."

[telltheworld]

"I've hardly had any time to work you yet. Goddamn, Barnes - give a girl a chance. I grin at him; I like him more when he's laughing, even if it is at me. "I'll get you dancing with me yet, handsome."

[onlyapassenger]

"And I'm already driving you to cussing," he says, leaning back in his chair and holding out his hands. "You think dancing's gonna go much better?"

[telltheworld]

That makes me laugh properly, leaning back in my own chair, shaking my head.

"You think that's bad? You should hear some of the other words I know," I say, still grinning. "And, anyway - I'm at eternal optimist. I've got high hopes for dancing."

[onlyapassenger]

"Well, you can keep hoping."

She reminds him a lot of Jan, another recent casualty of the Island. She tried to get him out of his shell, and she disappeared for her troubles -- or so it feels like, at any rate. He's not so self-centered to think every disappearance has been on him, but when he's the common denominator, it's hard to remind himself differently.

[telltheworld]

"Hell, I'm a survivor," I say, raising my glass in a lazy toast to him, still smiling. "I'll survive dancing with you."

[onlyapassenger]

"You'd have to get me on that dance floor first," he points out, leaning forward to keep eating. "Good luck with that."

[telltheworld]

"You got a problem with dancefloors?" I ask him, eyebrows firmly raised as I go back to my fruit. "Don't tell me you're scared of a bit of parquet flooring?"

[onlyapassenger]

"Scared? No," he says, rolling his eyes. He's cut a rug or two in his time. "Busy? Yes."

[telltheworld]

"Geez, I'm not saying we've got to go now," I say, and he's not the only one who can roll his eyes. "Whenever you can fit me in to your schedule will be fine."

[onlyapassenger]

"Sure, I'll let you know first thing," he replies, managing to keep most of the sarcasm from his voice. "Think your friends can find you another partner in the meantime."

[telltheworld]

"I think you're being difficult because you enjoy it," I suggest, turning around to try and get the waitress' eye, looking for another cup of coffee if I've got to put up with this. "I think you're having a great time right now, denying little me a simple pleasure."

[onlyapassenger]

He points at her with his fork, a self-satisfied smirk tugging at his mouth.

"You're not the first person who's told me that."

[telltheworld]

I feel like I'm winning; I don't know what, but I absolutely feel like I am. I fold my arms across my chest and then I kick him under the table, just with the toe of my extremely patriotic sneakers.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't want you around."

[onlyapassenger]

"You'd be smart if you didn't," he replies, then takes his last bite of pancake. There's more truth in the words than he cares to admit, but his tone stays as light as before.

[telltheworld]

I study him for a long moment. The girl's freshened my coffee and I cradle it between my hands. I sort of feel like I haven't given him much choice about being around me; with me being in such a state on the first day I arrived and him getting me squared away so neatly.

"I can't decide if you're serious or not," I say. I can't help but think about Nick. It's no the same, but i reminds me, all the same.

[onlyapassenger]

"Well, I'm not gonna tell you."

Bucky knows there wouldn't be any use in trying to push her away with a warning. Because he's done this routine before, somehow always managing to befriend people who're just the right brand of stubborn that they don't see what's right in front of them. The direct approach never having worked in the past, he'll try playing mysterious instead. Maybe that'll keep her from getting too close.

He finishes his juice and declines the offer for more coffee.

"I should get going."

[telltheworld]

"Already?" I can't keep the sudden moment of disappointment in my voice, but I swallow it back, make myself smile. "Alright." I nod. "It was nice seeing you." I'll find something to occupy myself. There's got to be paper, right?

[onlyapassenger]

He offers a brief smile in return, perfunctory but friendly.

"Thanks for the company," he says, standing. "Take care of yourself, all right?"

[telltheworld]

And there it is; he's got that tone that a lot of military men I've known have, that one that makes it instantly clear that you're being more or less dismissed. I nod, smile, tip him a salute.

"Yes, sir."