onlyapassenger: (ss :: serious)
Bucky Barnes ([personal profile] onlyapassenger) wrote2011-06-29 04:36 pm

[for Steve] who will wield the shield?

The sheer amount of ordnance Bucky has managed to acquire in the months since his arrival is, perhaps, startling. Though he'd shown up with nothing but a combat knife to his name, sometimes it paid to be the victim of the island's crueler tricks. Though he hadn't much appreciated the reminder of the time, getting saddled with all of his Winter Soldier gear has ultimately been a blessing as much as anything else; even if he has little cause to use it in his day to day life, there's a comfort Bucky finds in carrying a firearm that he'd be hard pressed to explain to someone of a different background.

It's old habit that finds him sitting on his front porch, a number of unloaded guns, ranging in size and make, spread out on a worn blanket beside him. His hands move in practiced motions as he cleans them one by one; it's mindless work, if necessary, though his thoughts drift elsewhere, sifting through memories both whole and fractured. He tries to remember the crimes he committed, the ones that apparently see him incarcerated in a Gulag in a future far worse than he ever anticipated, but he's met with nothing save a frustrating blankness -- a mental dead end.

Probably for the best. God only knows what sort of nightmare I'll find if I keep digging. I sleep poorly enough as is... Must drive Tasha crazy.

Shaking his head to clear his mind, it's only through a chanced glance upwards that Bucky realizes he's no longer alone. Steve is coming up the path, carrying in his hands a shield Bucky would recognize just about anywhere, one he stole if only to keep it away from anyone else, and wielded for much the same reason. He stands, abruptly, a cloth in one hand and an assault rifle in the other, but makes it down only so far as the first step before he freezes.

"Is that what I think it is?"

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-06-30 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
There's a lot to be read in Bucky's expression, and on top of everything I'm carrying with me from my conversation (if it can really be called that) with Tony, it's almost too much. There are too many feelings at war inside me, the weight of the shield in my hands their catalyst, and I stop walking.

I'm not the only one the shield is important to, that's always been true. But it's never been true like this.

"You tell me," I say, and with the practiced ease of years, a gesture so natural it no longer requires thought, I throw the shield to Bucky.

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-06-30 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
He pulls it out of the air like it's the most natural thing in the world. It's strange to watch.

"Tony Stark's basement."

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-06-30 09:46 pm (UTC)(link)
It's instantly clear that this is going to go down about as well as the Hindenburg.

"Kate Bishop gave it to him to safe guard. She told him it was mine." I walk to the foot of the steps, planting a foot on the lowest one.

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-07-01 01:26 pm (UTC)(link)
"The first time we spoke, he told me to stop by, that he thought he had something of mine. I didn't know what he meant, and I took my sweet time getting over there to find out." I don't shrug, can't quite manage a gesture that dismissive. I'm bothered, but I can imagine Bucky might be considerably more so. He's spoken to Tony. I'd wager he told Tony long ago that he was my... That he was Captain America.

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-07-01 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)
"I won't fight you on that one," I say, because I am not exactly thrilled with Anthony Stark right now, regardless of his universe of origin.

My gaze drops to the shield but I look back up at Bucky, and I know the shift in my expression has probably given me away before I speak a word. I don't reach out a hand to take it back.

"Bucky-"

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-07-01 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
"I can't, Bucky. It's not mine, anymore." Not just the shield, either.

"You told me at some point in my future, I ask you to take this on. Whenever that is, I, me as I am now, I haven't even had that much distance from it. I can't carry the shield, Bucky. Not now."

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-07-04 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
I can imagine how grim I look, but it can't be helped. I'm exhausted from thinking about this, from carrying the shield from Stark's place to Bucky's, knowing the entire time that it couldn't be mine again, that I'm not ready. Not capable.

"I don't know that you'll ever need it here. I don't know that there will ever be a call we have to answer on this island that will require the use of that shield, but if there is, if that time comes... You're Captain America. You should be prepared."

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-07-05 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
Bucky just asked me the same thing I've been asking myself every day since I surrendered myself to the authorities. The answer is, I don't know. There came a point in my life where I had to choose between being Steve Rogers or being a good Captain America. The decision was easier than it maybe should have been.

"Then do. Hang onto it," I tell him, holding his gaze and not reaching for or glancing at the shield in his hand.

"Do it for me, Buck."

[identity profile] onlyforthedream.livejournal.com 2011-07-05 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
"Thank you," I tell him sincerely.