onlyapassenger: (ss :: shut down)
Bucky Barnes ([personal profile] onlyapassenger) wrote2011-10-17 01:52 am

[for Natasha]

He can't sleep. This isn't, in itself, that unusual. Hell, given the amount of time he and Jason actually spend in their house, it's a wonder they have one at all, their nights generally spent elsewhere (and in fairer company than each other). That Bucky's once again found himself sitting crouched in Natasha's window is little more than a bad habit, the only thing speaking to some deeper trouble being his timing and his attire. On a normal night, he might show up in pajamas and combat boots, minimally armed, with his hair already mussed from an attempt at rest that he knew would surely allude him.

Tonight, though, he's dressed in uniform, the shield strapped to his back. Backlit by the moon, the figure he cuts is more imposing than playful, a pronounced tension in the set of his shoulders. His timing leaves something to be desired, as well; it's much later than he usually shows up, and it's clear from the flush in his cheeks that he's been outside for some time, though his purpose doesn't immediately present itself.

Eyes falling on Natasha, he allows himself a small, tired smile, even as a sigh that speaks to weeks of unneeded stress escapes his lips. His fingers itch to reach out for her, but he performs the courtesy of toeing off his boots before he goes any further into the room, pulling down his cowl as he begins to undress. His heart feels tight in his chest.

"Sorry I'm late," he murmurs, slipping into Russian for no other reason than wanting the reminder of something that was uniquely theirs. (His sweep of the perimeter was clean; there's no one listening in -- he's not being paranoid, though life has given him every reason.) "Needed some air."

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
She's not been waiting. They keep their own hours and always have, but Natalia is awake the moment he lights in her window, rolling onto an elbow to watch him slip inside. The uniform is a surprise. To her knowledge - which may yet prove itself incomplete, James keeps his secrets well - he's not worn it since the fall of Rapture, but he wears it now, blue stretched over shoulders bent with a fatigue that troubles her.

"You don't look as if it helped," she replies, on her knees and reaching for him. What solace the open air could not provide, Natalia is determined she will.

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 09:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Natalia hums, taking a moment to enjoy the simple pleasure of his hand in her hair. Time with James is more easily found on the island than in any other space they've shared, but still, she's not certain these quiet moments will ever feel anything but stolen.

"You sound disappointed," she says, pressing her fingertips to the worried crease of his brow. "Not even another child of Gotham to chase away?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 10:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"I often wonder if there's any such thing," Natalia muses, leaning forward to kiss his heavy eyelids. He's tired but far from sleep, more thoughts in his head than Natalia can guess at, though she hopes she won't have to.

"Come," she says, slipping her hands into his. "Tea? Or vodka?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Natalia smiles, leading him from the bed and to the table still dressed for sleep. She pushes him into a chair, fingers combing through the mess the cowl has made of his hair after. She studies him even as she soothes, pressing here and there against his scalp to chase away the headache.

"Something more than children is bothering you," she observes as she releases him, pulling down two glasses and a bottle from her meager pantry. The vodka is...borrowed, and Natalia unrepentant as she pours. What use is there in being a spy if she can't enjoy the perks, after all.

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-18 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
Natalia laughs in surprise, just able to catch the neck of the bottle before she's pulled away. She falls into his lap with an easy grace, the two glasses forgotten as Natalia takes a swallow straight from the bottle. "You could have spared me the cleanup," she says, pressing lips burnt pleasantly warm to his mouth.

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-18 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
Natalia pulls away to allow him the drink he so sorely needs. There's a drop of vodka at the corner of his mouth, still pink from kissing. The flush on his cheeks has deepened, the hair she'd smoothed newly wild from her fingers, and Natalia finds herself shaking her head.

"Perhaps I'm no great fan of neatness after all," she says, reclaiming the bottle. He's delaying, she knows, but she trusts that he will tell her eventually. If not tonight, then soon. Given James' habit of bottling that which troubles him most, he'll explode long before she does.

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-18 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
"You wear everything well," Natalia says with a halfhearted roll of her eyes, even as her arms mirror his own, sliding around his neck comfortable and loose. "It's one of your most irritating qualities."

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-18 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
"You could sell me on most anything," Natalia laughs, "and you are only proving my point." She angles the bottle over his shoulder, tipping a larger swallow into her mouth. It's not enough to inebriate her, not by a long shot, but it serves to warm her head to toe.

"Can you charm this bottle back?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-18 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
"Certainly not," insists Natalia, though she knows perfectly well he may yet, and with a smile so handsome many women would thank him for the offense.

She angles her head, freely granting him access to the vulnerable skin of her throat, content for now to enjoy his good humor. "Or do you think me so easy?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-19 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
"You're making another attempt to charm it away," says Natalia, but she looks pleased all the same. She knows too well the reasons why they fit together, and while she could mourn the cruel turns that fashioned them a match, with James warm beneath her she prefers to count them lucky. They found each other not once, but twice, when some find no one at all.

"But I will concede," she adds, tracing a finger along the curve of his cheek. "I like to see you smile."

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-20 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
"Sometimes," says Natalia, her own smile losing some of its ease, though it holds, "I think you're right. The smile you show your ITF is decidedly more wicked, but..." She traces along his lips now, her fingers swift lest his tongue dart out and distract her. "I see it, here and there. When your young friend manages to do something sensible, and," she adds, more carefully now, "with Steve."

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-21 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
"James," breathes Natalia, too throaty to be a sigh, but only just. Placing the bottle on the table, she lifts her hands to his face, fingers loosely framing his too tight jaw. "Will you tell me?" she asks, thumbs sweeping over his skin, rubbing at the creases the cowl has left behind. "You've been so troubled, surely I could not make it worse."

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-21 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
Natalia's smile is almost sad. "It is a long time to be in one place. Unusual for our kind." In the weeks following their reunion, she'd been quick to learn what soothed him, though it'd taken her a month to trust the effect was real. Such were their lives at home, and at times, it feels no better here, the dangers fewer, but the reasons a man might posture just as great.

Natalia returns her fingers to his hair, stroking it, as much to comfort herself as the man beneath her. "We will take them in turns. I can...dissuade the children, if you like." That much is easy. "And Tony..." The expression she wears then is decidedly sad, and takes longer than Natalia would like to remove. "I do not believe that man can be forced to see reason in any universe. I only hope that it will come to him in his own time. And Steve..." Natalia is not ashamed to admit, at times that man is her last hope, James' loyalty to him immovable. If there is tension there, she could almost despair for how to mend it. "Tell me, what does he do?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-22 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
Natalia has fought with Steve for many years now, never more closely than when she joined his secret team. She knows him well, knows that he is the best kind of leader, both level-headed and without fear. He does not balk from danger, neither does he court it. He waits. He plans. He thinks things through, and he protects his own. In battle, she would follow him anywhere. But here, in matters between close friends, particularly those with as long and complicated a history as he and James, Natalia finds herself uncertain how to proceed. It is not a feeling she enjoys, and not for the first time, she finds herself wishing that Sharon were here.

"Waiting on Tony?" she asks, short nails skimming along James' scalp. "To become the man we used to know? Or something else?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-24 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
Natalia cannot help the sigh that escapes her. "Why do men," she says, still carding her fingers through his hair, "always see that as the first resort, rather than the last? And when Steve is done waiting, what then? What sin of Tony's will be too great to ignore?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-10-24 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
It's true that James is many things to Steve, not least of which is beloved to the point of contingency, but she does not like to think of him in those terms. Neither is Natalia much compelled to think of anything at the moment that does not involve seeking out Stark and terrorizing him to the limits of his sanity.

"What noise?"

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-11-03 06:07 am (UTC)(link)
"You are telling me," says Natalia with a deep breath, "that Steve is waiting for an excuse to punch Tony, and that he means it to be you."

Laying her head against his shoulder, she breathes out a curse that suggest acts of great physical improbability, the depth of which would be lost in translation back to English. "I take it back. A fistfight would do them both some good."

[identity profile] widowskiss.livejournal.com 2011-11-06 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
Despite her better efforts, Natalia feels some of her ire drain away at that hint of a smile. "Perhaps we will lock them in a room together," she says. "For the good of all. They will...probably survive it."